23 4 / 2012

well… another LUFS (or i ovulated) Friday night or saturday.  So my timing was bad. Bloods on saturday showed really low prog (pre ov) so im hoping i did ovulate and it was on saturday and might have a slim chance. Hoping!

My estrogen was so low that the doctor is really unhappy and im not going to use letrozole (femara) again. Im one of the 15% that doesnt respond well.. She called me “unique” ;) so no point ultrasounding to see if i did ovulate or not. I think because the egg would be bad quality with such low estrogen.

So Gonal-F it is. CD3&4.

She said there is a higher chance of multiple follicles and that i would have to not be adverse to twins (which im not) but that if there was three or more follicles she would be advising against intercourse. That would be my luck. I would ovulate 3 follies the first time i do. She really doesnt want to try clomid with me.

And also im feeling pretty good! Im thinking being sick and the hcg made me worse. I had another psych appointment today and i didnt cry at all! I hardly listened to her coz i was too busy thinking “im so cool! im not even teary! go me!” ;)

I hope all my tumbler buddies are well xx

22 4 / 2012

So I’m worrying for the first time I might have had “bad timing”. Out of 22cycles, the first one I might actually ovulate, I may not have done IT :-P

To be honest I’m totally over intercourse altogether! This month I decided I was gonna let myself have a bit of a break since I always have ultrasounds/bloods to tell me when to trigger etc but now worry I could have missed my chance.

One thing I’ve been reading about is cognitive restructuring. I’m going to do it with this worry. (always the same 4 questions)

1. Does this worry contribute to your stress. Yes! You bet. It means I’ll spend the next one or two weeks feeling stressed and like I failed/wasted time/money etc.

2. Where did this worry come from? Probably from being at an abnormaly high stress level anyway, then things not going right and me not having good timing which is actually a thing I can control.

3. Is this worry true. Not really. My doctor already told me that there is only a tiny chance I could have missed the boat, abd if I did my estrogen levels were so low that my egg wouldn’t have been good quality.

4. What’s a thought you could replace this worry with? According to the doctor, I’ve done all I could again this month, and I’m proud of all the hard work I’ve put into this baby business over the last few years.

Mmm. That does work. :-)

19 4 / 2012

So a while ago I booked a psych appointment as I’ve become such a miserable, stressed, anxious person and it’s all really starting to get me. I also started reading conquering infertility and it talked about the impact of depression on infertility and how it does play a bit part and that’s lots of research to show that. It also mentioned a heap of symptoms and said if you had 10 or more depression would be considered severe, and I had all of them!

So turns out I have extremely severe depression, extremely severe anxiety and extremely severe stress. Lucky me ;-) I’m a little surprised because I feel like “hey! I’m upset and I have a reason to be!” and that fine. But I’m also seeing that the impact it’s having on my life is getting really out of control and know that I really need help.

I’m not someone who is too worried about being labelled or diagnosed. Whatever. But I do feel a bit like “I’m a smart girl. I should be able to fix this.” but I haven’t fixed it. I just don’t have the right tools in my toolbox. Yet :-)

19 4 / 2012

Every month I try get excited about the month my baby would be born if I was successful! January 12. Sounds like a good date to me! It’s birthdays will be in summer, school holidays, but everyone is not so busy and recovered from Christmas! Perfect!

I could be preg at Chrissy and so excited that next year my baby would be almost one and having there first Christmas ever!

18 4 / 2012

Turns out my low dose hcg is affecting my opk’s! So all is good! Folli was 1.9cm which is good! Bloods show my lh surge will probably be tomorrow so I’ll do my trigger then :-)

So far so good. Just praying it ruptures for the first time!


17 4 / 2012

Grrrr!!! Positive opk 2days before the doc hoped. Had scan yesterday and folli was only 1.3 so ideal trigger would have been thurs.

Had bloods at lunch time but haven’t heard from the doc.

Just messaged doc and waiting to hear back. It’s dinner time though :-S

Ahh! So annoying!

03 4 / 2012

This is the Napro approach to fertility. I really love it as they have diagnosed what is actually wrong with me, rather than calling it unexplained infertility like the ivf clinic.

“Infertility is a symptom of underlying disease.  The diseases that cause infertility have a “two-pronged” effect.  They not only hinder the functioning of fertility, but they also cause both short and long-term health problems.  The persistent unwillingness to address infertility problems from this point of view or perspective is one of the major flaws in the current approach to the treatment of infertility.

Fertility problems also carry with them significant emotional sequelae.  This is fairly well recognized by those who work in this field and psychosocial distress  can contribute significantly to the cause of some forms of infertility.

Until 1978, most of the effort in medicine in evaluating and treating women with infertility was placed in trying to identify and treat the underlying causes.  In 1978, in vitro fertilization produced a paradigm shift.  It led to a “skipping over” the causes and this continues up to the present time to be the foundational management approach.  In essence, this is a symptomatic or Band-Aid approach to treatment, not one that gets to the root causes.  When the artificial reproductive technologies began to take hold, now over 25 years ago, diagnostic laparoscopy was in its infancy.  Hormone assessment, while available, was not readily accessible.  Ultrasound technology was still mired in sector scanning and real-time ultrasonography was not yet available.  Selective hysterosalpingography had not yet been developed and the fallopian tubes could not be catheterized.  The Creighton Model FertilityCare™ System began its first Allied Health Education Program for FertilityCare™ Practitioners (FCP) in 1978.  This means of objectively monitoring the biomarkers of the menstrual and fertility cycle was only in its beginning stages.  With the availability of the CrMS, observations of mucus patterns during the course of the menstrual and fertility cycle could be observed for the very first time.  In fact, information obtained by women charting their cycles in this fashion is unique and can only be obtained in this fashion…..”

There are a few things that could be a turn off for some people. Firstly it was started by and is based on a catholic approach. This means no ivf as a last resort, they would suggest adoption if all else fails. Since they have huge success with people with many failed ivfs, I like to think I won’t get to that point anyway :-) they’re not going to talk church while you’re in with your doc or anything.

Secondly, you might think they are not as advanced. I find this to be the exact opposite. While they arent doing ivf, they are hugely more knowledgable on a range of infertility issues. This is what stands out to me and the main thing I love. That and my doc is the most caring and professional doctor I’ve ever come across. The peace of mind this gives is worth so much to my sanity!!

Well I hope someone finds this useful in their journey. I can’t say enough good things about it. Feel free to ask any questions! x

01 4 / 2012

I thought I’d write a little about why my doctor put me on Low Dose Naltrexone and what it does.

Many years ago a doctor noticed that women who were put on naltrexone for heroin addiction were getting pregnant very easily. This lead him to try naltrexone in women with infertility where he had good results.

Infertility has been proven to be an endorphin deficient state.

What naltrexone does is for a few hours during the night, your body thinks it has no endorphins and therefore gets to work at producing more, giving you a higher amount if endorphins each day.

It’s cheap, and has very little adverse side effects.

For me I have had wonderful side effects! Instead of over emotional, I feel very level headed. I feel if I’m sad or disappointed, I’m able to pick myself up quickly. I had bad long term shoulder and knee pain before and it immediately halved my pain! I don’t even care if it doesn’t help my fertility, the pain reduction is enough for me to live this drug :-)

Only negative side effects are I’m thirsty more (though never drank enough before so that’s probably beneficial.) the other is my crazy dreams. So real which is fine when they’re good, but annoying when they’re not (ie massive hairy monobrow! Cheating etc!)

My doc started me on 1mg with the intention to increase to 4.5mg.

Love it :-)

27 3 / 2012

Im really upset and need to vent.

Things just get worse and worse! I often think I’ve had as much as I can handle and then they get worse!

So had the follow up appointment with the surgeon after my lap. I thought it was just to recap both on what he told me, and what he wrote in his letter to my fs. Nup. New bad news! I need my appendix out, so more surgery! Its interfering with my right tube which hes not positive is unblocked. and he told me its unlikely I’ll ever be able to have a normal delivery.

I’m devastated. I’ve always been so looking forward to having a baby naturally.

The other thing is that he is really concerned about how tight my cervix is (hence why he said he thinks I won’t be able to deliver naturally). He said sperm wouldn’t have been getting through, and while he’s widened it, it goes back to how it was. So I don’t even know how many months I’ve got of a chance before its bad again.

So the only good thing is that the month I had surgery I ovulated from my left according to him. And my left tube is clear now. The bad for my left side is where the tube meets my uterus is very tiny.

I feel like i only have a couple of chances :-( if not, surgery to remove appendix…….. And then what I don’t know…

25 3 / 2012

So this cycle i was pretty optimistic.

Firstly Im responding really well to the naltrexone.  Much happier and feel very level headed.  I no longer cry at everything.  I also have reduced shoulder and knee pain.  So they are great side effects! :) The only negative is my weird dreams of cheating on the hubby, having a massive thick monobrow, living in victorian times etc!

Tuesday arvo I had a scan and folli was 1.4cm. (bit too small).  Had bloods the next morning and estrogen was surging.  Positive LH test (aka OPK) that night and did the 10000u HCG trigger. Within two hours was filling very ill, but ok by thurs (just completely off all foods.)

Saturday scan to check the follicle ruptured properly…. and its still there.  BUGGER! Blood test confirmed I’m making progesterone and therefore it’s another LUF.

So progesterone pessaries for 10days, then wait a couple more days and we’re on to cycle 22…

We’re adding Letrizole next month.  3 tablets on CD2.  Hopefully this will produce a bigger follicle earlier on and I will respond better to the trigger.